I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
