No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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