all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Who died my cat blue again?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
