the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
