tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
