Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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