I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
