Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The power of my boobs compel you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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