Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
