his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
