i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
