I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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