And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
