Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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