You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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