how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
