I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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