Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
