alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
