Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
