My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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