Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
