Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
