i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
