Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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