high people should be assigned attendants
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
