My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
