I'm drive I can fine osifer
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
