are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
