How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
