I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
