She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
