Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
