he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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