Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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