we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
