btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
