"it" just moved
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
