Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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