Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
