so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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