So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
