it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
