Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My cat gives me a boner
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
