What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
