"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
