I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Such a big mess for such a small penis
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
