I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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