I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
