A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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