I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
