Buhtt sex?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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